The people judging me are also figuring life out.

This has been one of the biggest freedoms I've realized recently.

They don't know exactly what they're doing.
They've made mistakes.
They've hurt people.
They've been embarrassed.
They've gotten things wrong.
They're carrying insecurities too.

This is when the fear of being judged lost its power.

And it isn't because I stopped caring about people or because I became arrogant.

It's because I stopped assigning expertise to strangers simply because they have opinions.

For years, I moved through life as if everyone else received a handbook I somehow missed.

Then one day, I realized: we're all winging it.

Some are winging it loudly. Some quietly. Some wisely. Some poorly.

But nobody is exempt from being human.

And this is why I'm able to move differently now. I'm not trying to earn permission from people who are just as unfinished as I am.

I can wear the outfit. Start the business. Take the trip. Set the boundary. Change my mind. Try the thing.

Because the people watching are not judges sitting above me.

They're fellow travelers on the same road.

I'm no longer willing to shrink my life to avoid the opinions of people who are learning life in real time, just like I am.

It's closely connected to what I taught my then five-year-old daughter Maddie about the spotlight effect.

Most people are far more focused on themselves than they are on us.

And the ones who are constantly watching others usually aren't living their own lives fully enough. The healthiest people tend to be busy building, loving, growing, healing, and tending to their own gardens.

Which means I get to do the same.