Life has a way of throwing us into situations we never expected. For me, one of those moments came when my daughter Sania was diagnosed with lifelong medical conditions that would change our lives forever. The weight of that reality sent me into a year-long depression, where I struggled to find my way. But out of that darkness, I began to build something powerful—a way to reclaim my life, one step at a time.
At our recent Conversations with Carmen event, we explored the Simplify, Shift, Support formula, a framework that helped me pull myself out of that difficult season and create the intentional life I live today. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or unsure of how to move forward, this formula can be your guide. Let’s walk through it together.
1. Identify an Area You Want to Change
Start by taking a moment to reflect on your life. Is there something that feels heavy or overwhelming? Maybe it’s a chaotic morning routine, unhealed trauma, or even a sense of not having enough time for yourself. Whatever it is, name it. Acknowledge it. Then ask yourself:
- What do I want this to look like when it changes?
- Do I want to feel free? Empowered? At peace?
Naming your goal is the first step toward making it a reality.
2. Apply the Intentional Care Formula
Simplify
Once you’ve identified the area you want to change, break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces. What’s one small thing you can do today to make this area feel less overwhelming?
For me, it started with simplifying my routines. I couldn’t control Sania’s diagnosis, but I could create systems to bring order to my days—whether that was meal prepping or finding moments to breathe amidst the chaos.
Think about how you can create simplicity in your own situation. Small changes lead to big shifts.
Shift
Change doesn’t just happen in our actions; it starts in our minds. What belief or perspective could you shift to make space for something new?
For me, the shift was recognizing that I didn’t have to do everything perfectly. I gave myself permission to let go of control and focus on just the next step.
Ask yourself:
- What mindset is holding me back?
- How can I reframe this challenge as an opportunity for growth?
Even the smallest mental shift can lighten the weight you’re carrying.
Support
Finally, lean into community and connection. No one is meant to do this work alone.
For me, joining a support group was a game-changer. It gave me a space to be vulnerable, to share my story, and to see that I wasn’t alone. Whether it’s a group, a friend, or a professional, finding support is one of the most powerful things you can do.
Think about where you can find your support. Who can you reach out to? What community can you join? I started Conversations with Carmen for this reason. Remember, support isn’t just about receiving—it’s also about giving.
Reflection Questions
Now that you’ve walked through the formula, take some time to reflect:
- What’s the area I want to change?
- What small step can I take to simplify it?
- What belief can I shift to make this feel lighter?
- Who or what can I turn to for support?
Write your answers down, and revisit them often. Transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but each small step brings you closer to the life you want.
A Final Reminder
This work is not about perfection; it’s about progress. It’s about showing up for yourself in small, intentional ways and trusting that those steps will lead to something greater.
Sania’s journey inspired me to make these changes, and I’m sharing this with you in the hope that it will inspire you to do the same. You are not alone on this path, and you don’t have to have it all figured out. Start where you are, with what you have, and trust the process.
Want to dig deeper? Get your copy of my Parenting with Kindness Guide here.